I held off of making this journal for weeks for several reasons. Mostly due to how I have been not feeling too good emotionally. But ill try.
For those who wonder what hedgehog's dilemma is: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgeh…
A few weeks ago I decided that I give up on trying to regain contact and my friendship with
as she seems to not want anything to do with me at all and due to the fact I have tried numerous times over the years to try, only to either have silence or merely things that make me feel farther away. From her. My rant journal and my feed up aggressive long rant note to her made. When I was purely fed up of no clear answers. Only to finally hear somewhat of a reason.... After hearing that reason, I knew that there's no point in trying anymore. If she doesnt consider a formal close friend worth her free time to talk to, then all I can merely do is blame myself in having her so close to my heart and thinking over and over again for years that trying to regain communication would bring one of the greatest friends I ever had back. Blame no one but myself for simply say 'Forget about Freeman' and forget she had ever existed. But of course, I feared losing a friend I was so close to.... Now I regret not giving up sooner as she clearly does not think of me as a close friend anymore. This would have been all but evident to me after she had me and others removed as contacts and removed us from chat. (All I can merely say to you now madam about the incident is that I do not think you are able to own a chatroom, let alone 2 or more.)
But once again, I rejected such a thing Would even be a possibility. "She was a very close friend to me. She must think the same to me" I would think to myself. Now all I think of is that I was a fool for thinking such a clear untrue statement was what was real.
You win. I give up on trying to restore that close friendship we had. You clearly are not interested in doing such a thing. And I am sincerely sorry for waisting both of our times.... As you said it:
"It lies within my opinion it would prove best for you and I to remain astray from one another for some time."
Though I plan to remain astray for all eternity. As all you bring to me is feelings of worthlessness. Farewell.